Forget the past?
Dear Dr,
are Licia, I am 45 years old and just are single. I have not made this entirely new, in fact I go out to a 11-year relationship with a man who turned out not to be the right person for me. We enjoyed the early years, then became a monotonic relationship, without pressures of growth and development. We have indeed begun to hurt each other mutually, the words have become more and more sharp and biting, to bring us to the realization that it could not go further. I find myself so after 11 years to face this new loneliness, wanting to forget what has been for me so far. I would like to bracket this long period of time, to be able to set aside and start my new life.
Licia
I answered
How can we forget 11 years of life lived with someone at your side, with whom he shared aspects of himself, his daily life, joys but also negative factors that eventually led to the end of the story, which had so believed and initially fantasized? When the relationship ends you remain full of disappointments, suffering and sometimes even hatred and contempt, that lead us to want to be able to forget each other and that piece of past life together.
We would like to start another story, another adventure, putting aside what was, putting it aside in a safe and hidden from ourselves, without return in our thoughts and memories.
is it possible? I think that forgetting is not possible, nor useful to ourselves, how much more was significant for us that relationship, the more it is important to understand, comprehend what has been experienced. What has happened, what has changed in that relationship that brought me here? Reconstructing that history is a necessary step in order to understand the sense of orientation in the sense of loss rampant that there seems to occupy every thought and emotion. It is in fact understand what are those needs that have been frustrated and denied in the report, and then which of these are looking for in a relationship, what we consider vital and nutritious, coming to be aware of what experience we would like to create a new meeting.
Increased awareness may in fact help to drive the next report, not leaving us at the mercy of the next wind that threatens to become a new storm.